i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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