Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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