You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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