I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You took a bar mat shot.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
