Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
