what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize