Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
