Don't make out with my wife yet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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