My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
