No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
