I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
