my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
