She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
