The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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