If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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