he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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