gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
