God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
