high people should be assigned attendants
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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