yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
