Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pooping to opera.
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