Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
