does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
