omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
vagina is talking i cant
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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