I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
