Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
