Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
