I bet he comes in French.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
