Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
