Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
