You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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