They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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