Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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