Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
