is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize