my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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