Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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