Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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