I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
