Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i've created a new STD.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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