the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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