How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
