Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
