my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant