please come you make the beer taste better
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
