You just made me feel so damn special
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
