I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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