i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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