As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted