If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!