Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.

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  (773): Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem. http://tfl.nu/9i07
  Replies (30) Good night (5273) Bad night (902)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?

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  (859): What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms? http://tfl.nu/1h9x
  Replies (25) Good night (3515) Bad night (589)
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  (951): View more from California

  Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.

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  (951): Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list. http://tfl.nu/idtu
  Replies (24) Good night (4253) Bad night (699)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

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  (813): I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came. http://tfl.nu/sa7y
  Replies (30) Good night (7236) Bad night (939)
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  (510): View more from California

  Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.    

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  (510): Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.     http://tfl.nu/ot3m
  Replies (7) Good night (3809) Bad night (730)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.

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  (847): We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty. http://tfl.nu/2pem
  Replies (13) Good night (3606) Bad night (966)
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  (408): View more from California

  sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds

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  (408): sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/sr5n
  Replies (38) Good night (4837) Bad night (1143)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night

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  (724): I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night http://tfl.nu/leh0
  Replies (6) Good night (4782) Bad night (867)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...

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  (216): You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them... http://tfl.nu/jngm
  Replies (4) Good night (2686) Bad night (800)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

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  (207): I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off. http://tfl.nu/j6re
  Replies (14) Good night (1113) Bad night (3140)
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  (714): View more from California

  He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

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  (714): He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/ay8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2601) Bad night (705)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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  (630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74
  Replies (4) Good night (567) Bad night (1305)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.

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  (814): Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark. http://tfl.nu/ixe0
  Replies (2) Good night (1523) Bad night (548)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

  (434): View more from Virginia

  then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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  (434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21
  Replies (0) Good night (601) Bad night (355)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.

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  (989): No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to. http://tfl.nu/2okj
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (245)

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