Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life