JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.