Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
