and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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