I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
