STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
