in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
