I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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