Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
