HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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