watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
