Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You work out of a Hotel?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
