similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
