I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
