we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
