I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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