bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
