Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
