Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
