I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
